Eminem's Version of Family (edited of course)

My mom loved valium and lots of drugs
And that's why I am like I am cause I'm like her
Because my mom loved valium and lots of drugs
That's why I on what I on cause I'm my mom.

My mom my mom I know youre probably tired of hearing about my mom Oh ho! Whoa ho!
But this is just a story of when I was just a shorty and how I became hooked on va-al-ya-hum
Valium was in everything food that I ate, The water that I drank (swear) peas on my plate,
She sprinkled just enough of it to sea-son my steak, So everyday I have at least three stomach aches,
Now tell me what kind of mother would want to see her
Son grow up to be an under a undera-(Swear)-chiever, My teacher didn't think I was going be nothing either,
What the (swear) you sticking gum up under the (swear) seat for?
Mrs. Mathers your son has been huffing ether, Either that or the mother (swear) been puffing reefer,
But all this huffing and puffing wasn't what it was either,
It was neither I was buzzing but it wasn't what she thought, Pee in a tea cup?
(swear) you aint my keeper, im sleeping, What the (swear) you keep on (swear) with me for?
(swear) you need to leave me the (swear) alone I aint playing,
Go find you a white crayon and color a (swear) zebra.